just a FEW complaints about life..

alright. so i should've figured this shit would happen. i called the ics office yesterday and asked them what time i had my next ics session at- they told me 1:30. so i told fredrick, so i wouldn't forget. fredrick took me to the grocery store (cub) to pick up my meds today at like 10 i think and some groceries and we returned to my place. then 1:30 rolls around and i wait til like 1:35 to call and ask about my 1:30 session i was told i'd have. NO ONE ANSWERS THE FUCKING PHONE (this is a pattern with me- NO ONE answers the phone for me). so i just called them back again like 10-15 minutes ago and abdul finally answered the phone, i asked him if they were coming for my ics session and he said, "well.. we're having a meeting right now and we'll see if we can get back to you afterward.." then i said, "THAT'S WHY YOU PEOPLE DON'T HAND OUT THE CALENDARS WITH THE SCHEDULE ON IT- SO YOU CAN WORK ON YOUR OWN TIME." then he handed the phone to emily and emily just said into the phone, "WE'RE HAVING A MEETING RIGHT NOW. WE'LL GET BACK TO YOUR ICS MEETING AFTERWARD. *CLICK*" so EMILY being the GREAT supervisor she is NOT, is teaching the ics workers it's alright to neglect my needs and time.. kinda explains why abdul and zen are such fuckin pricks to me at times. zen has been somewhat respectful lately.. so it's not really him at the moment and i was thinking abdul was actually trying to be "helpful" to me lately until he gave the phone to miss boss bitch to excuse his inability to help me/do his job correctly. so just being in this particular ics program has me thinking that nothing i want really fuckin matters.. how great is that for self-esteem? i may be 6 feet under thanks to the GREAT ASSISTANCE I'VE EXPERIENCED IN MINNESOTA! NOW I SEE WHY AMANDA KEPT ME HERE AND NEGLECTED TO ASSIST ME TO MOVE TO WHERE I COULD BE REALLY CONSTRUCTIVE. i don't even know what to do right now. i feel like bawling in frustration. this is ridiculous. i've never felt so fucking IGNORED or small in my whole life. i wanted ics to assist me with my x-finity cable because i get all the channels i originally had EXCEPT the main channel i watched- cartoon network. so i've been feeling really bored lately- and when i'm bored- i get bad thoughts and/or bad things happen. x-finity will probably be closed/not answering for some reason by the time ics actually helps me. i was just trying to think of things positively when eating lunch but after this shit happened to me- i'm starting to have other thoughts which are just the OPPOSITE of anything i was thinking. i try to be as constructive as i can be when i start thinking negatively, so i went on indeed yesterday and applied to a few jobs (which actually had views from the employers. so they're at least interested if they're gonna take the time to view my application..). most of the jobs i've applied to recently were in minneapolis- which is actually pretty close to where i live right now.. so that's a plus. seeing as a lot of the damn jobs i looked at specify that "APPLICANT MUST HAVE DRIVER'S LICENSE." so that minimizes a lot of possibilities. people will try to defend their neglect at assisting me to get my driver's license again by saying "A LOT OF JOBS STILL HIRE WITHOUT DRIVER'S LICENSES!" WHERE? WHERE DO THEY STILL ACCEPT APPLICANTS WITHOUT DRIVER'S LICENSES?! you must not be looking on indeed.. i'm pretty sure the jobs that DO hire without driver's licenses are jobs for high school kids- so they pay minimum wage IF THAT, einsteins. however- i can HONESTLY say that i can't find ANY jobs whatsoever which hire WITHOUT A DRIVER'S LICENSE. i've said this a million times and i'll say it again for the dumb fucks who think otherwise: i was NOT drinking alcohol WHATSOEVER during the car accident that i was in- proof of that is how fucked up i got because ALCOHOL PARALYZES THE IMMUNE SYSTEM DURING TRAUMATIC EVENTS. i learned that during one of my victim's impact panels for Mothers Against Drunk Driving.. plus- beer is what the driver was drinking the night of my accident and i HATE beer. the smell of it makes me GAG. so i couldn't and can't drink that shit. my body reflexively rejects it. SO TAKE THAT ASSUMPTION OUT OF YOUR STUPID FUCKING BRAINS AND ACTUALLY DO YOUR DAMN JOBS! i get the impression that ics wants ALL the hours my insurance pays for "care"- INCLUDING fredrick's hours- so they also neglect my care because they're not getting paid ALL of the hours.. MAYBE IF THEY'D ACTUALLY FUCKING HELP ME DURING THE HOURS THEY DO HAVE ALL THE TIME- THEY WOULD GET PAID FOR MORE HOURS TO ASSIST ME! *GASP* OH MY GOD! I'M SO SMART! *rolls eyes* if you were really as good of an ics company that you imply, you wouldn't take these frustrations of not getting the hours you think you deserve out on the damn client of the program since you ARE supposed to be supporting people with mental health SUPPOSEDLY.